So much going on. My thoughts, it feels... my life in a way, is on that carnival tilt a whirl ride. Suddenly I find myself out of the house Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday evenings and Sunday morning. Two weeks of that and although my routine is changing, many parts of me just haven't had a chance to catch up with it.



Mom and Nana came over for a visit yesterday. Again, I love my family but the cloud of negativity that they bring with nearly every visit almost caused me to loose control with them. With Mom, it's not so bad. She seems to be able to go the the flow. Nana.... wow. Well, that woman just won't give an inch. I don't understand, perhaps what has happened to her outlook over the years. She's always been sort of a depressive woman, but these past 10 years or so have definitely NOT been kind with her. There's no possibilities any more, no happiness, no real joy.

The twinadoes have their own routine. During the day they have found a rhythm that works well for them. Sometimes even I'm an "interference". "Come on girls, lets.... (do what ever activity)!" They are so into the activity they are all ready doing that it just doesn't happen. Nana on the other hand, announces right in front of them that she may as well have stayed home. No sense of coming over here to visit if they aren't going to do what she wants them to. What she "gives" to me, I can deal with, but when she starts to focus on what she perceives as flaws in the girls, I loose it. It's a wonder I still have the tip of my tongue after a visit with her in those moods.

Sometimes I think she actually is looking for that verbal fight. She lives for conflict and chaos. Monkey was willing to have Nana read a book to her, but because Nana was going off on her woe is me act, Monkey just walked away. At last, I turned and said right out that I didn't see why she wanted her granddaughters to hear such things before just walking away.

She stopped on the girls and turned her attention to me. Oh yay.... Have I lost a little weight? Why yes, I've lost 10 pounds since Christmas, thanks for noticing. That's good, because I have such a long way to go, she reminds me. I have Nana's mother's shape. It skipped Nana, gave a little to my Mom, and brought that beautiful pear shape right back to me. Actually, I would personally rather look at a beautiful curvy woman full of softness and waves rather than stick figure models that we're supposed to follow today. But, I admit, there is room for improvement here and I make two points to her: 1) when a body goes through a twin pregnancy and at birth one daughter weighs 8 lb, 8oz and our other daughter weighs 6 lb, 6 oz, one should NOT expect their body to have any bounce back left. It has stretched to full capacity and beyond. Probably only medical intervention in surgery would ever get some of that original shape back, and 2) I have not really focused on myself for the past 10 years. All three girls were/are still my main focus, but as they begin to gain more independence, especially with school in the near future for Monkey and Parrot, now I can bring a little of that back to me. In seeing my time slowly freed up, I feel I can begin to say, okay... now, what about me??? Yes, I can do more and am actually trying to do so, which is part of my change these past two weeks. So, the whole body issue that she tried to create didn't work quite the way she wanted. Life and it's situations are positive, darn it and that's the way I want to keep it.

So, she turns to cleaning. I am supposed to clean my house the way she cleans hers. She's gone to the point of verbally giving me a routine to follow (that lovely conversation happened a few months ago). She wanted to write it down, but I basically said no way. Thank you, but no. That was something that I needed to do on my own. Again, there's room for improvement, but I don't live my life to clean. True, at this point I don't think the house has been dusted in about two weeks, but well.... what's the saying? A clean house indicates a dull life.. or some such thing. It does seem that when they come over is when the house is the messiest. Why is that?

So today, I give a good shake and just let the tone of her voice and the words that cause anxiety and hurt fly away. I try and tell myself that although the execution of her method doesn't work with me, she's only trying to help. Maybe she's trying to find purpose, any purpose??? But instead of thinking that life is over, if she would just let go of some of her own negativity and appreciate that she has another day to enjoy, more time to make into special moments, more everything... wouldn't that be nicer. Wouldn't that wonderful role model help the rest of us who are only growing older, too? I am so very lucky that I have seen what a positive and a negative attitude can do so I can make better choices on how to live my life.



Suddenly, Honey is taking an enormous interest in our finances and way of living. In a way, I'd like to hit him up side the head and say "Well, it's about time!!!!" In others ways, I want to screech at him to pause for a moment and let me catch up. I see us in the near future banging foreheads together..... He's never really cared about anything financial before so to have him start drilling questions at me is overwhelming to say the least. Part of it is his enthusiasm. "We have to start thinking about everything differently," he says. And he has been listening to financial talk shows on the radio and is suddenly getting how to make the most of your money books and is... tee hee... slightly insane about the whole thing at the moment (in a good way).

With everything that is going on within the last few weeks, I really think that perhaps it's time to ask Mom C and Papa to watch the girls for an evening. Either that or maybe they could take the girls out for an evening... that would be nicer, actually. Him and I at home alone for an evening.... mmmmm... goosebumps...

Anyway, it is true that we haven't really taken inventory of our life for a few years. Last time we did it, it wasn't that pretty. This time I think we'd find some interesting results.



It's taken me all morning to write this as we've had to run some errands, come home only to have to leave on another errand, and finally, I think we're home for the afternoon.

Quilting class is getting more and more interesting. This was only our third one and all ready talk of men, menopause, PMS, the school system, politics and children were discussed last night. A woman only three years younger than I also told how just that morning, her uncle was in a very serious car accident, but fortunately 18 stitches in his head later, he was doing okay. The woman driving the other vehicle passed on before the ambulance could arrive.

Love life,
Cherish life,
LIVE life.

My dusty shelves are going to wait another day....



Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Originally named Cranberry Saw Us, the Irish alternative rock band renamed The Cranberries made their song titled "Linger" an American hit in 1993 before gaining great popularity back in the UK. With a string of hits, the band decided to take a break in 2003 to pursue solo careers.

Song: Just My Imagination




Song: Dreams




Cheers! ~MacKenzie
PS. My computer is still very sick. I still can't receive email and with the storm we're having, internet connection is iffy. If I don't get back to you.... I promise... it's only Computer mal-functions..... The upside? You know what they say.. Cleaner House!!!! ha ha ha!!!!


graphics from photobucket

Choose one, choose both, either way, I hope you have fun!!!!!

You Are Olive Green

You are the most real of all the green shades. You're always true to yourself. For you, authenticity and honesty are very important... both in others and yourself. You are grounded and secure. It takes a lot to shake you. People see you as dependable, probably the most dependable person they know.

Olive green. I don't know... just doesn't make me feel very springy or put me in the mindset for St. Patrick's Day.

What Your Shamrock Says About You

You are well balanced and good at taking charge. You have good judgment. Sometimes you take on too many projects at once. You get stressed out rather easily. You don't really consider yourself a lucky person. In your view, people create their own luck. You are traditional, easy going, and appreciative of the simple things in life.

I admit, the shamrock I chose reminds me of a morning glory. I like those flowers. They are so pretty!!!


photos from Photobucket

Cheers! ~MacKenzie
PS. My apologies upfront if I don't get back to you soon. My computer has decided to catch the flu. This other one that we currently have in the house is Honey's work computer and I can't get my email or anything from it. Hopefully I'll be able to check in with the Inner Fire off and on throughout the day, but I can't promise anything!!!

Okay.... the Conversation took place well over a month ago. I sort of remember it, didn't really think that anything would come out of it, but......
So, one evening, Honey and I are sitting on the couch and sort of out of the blue he makes the comment that he took my vehicle to the store. I didn't think anything of it. Suddenly he turns to me.

Him: Why didn't you tell me it was in such bad shape?
Me: Wait a minute, I recall telling you at one point that you had to be more careful when you wanted to stop because of the breaks and that it was starting to have problems.
Him: When it started to get that bad, you should have told me.
Me: December, January and February are usually our toughest months. We just didn't have the money for repairs. In a month or two, we'll be able to manage it no problem.
Him: Well, you know.... maybe it's time to think about trading it in.
Me: (after a looonggggg pause) Oh no. Is this because Lil Bro fell into a good deal on a new vehicle?
Him: Well, it may have caused a few sparks in my brain to go off, but really... there are some good deals out there. I may start to look around.
Me: But... we were going to pay the thing off!!!!!
Him: Well, first of all, if we don't like the deal, we just won't take it. We can fix up the van... we can... (list reasons here....)
Me: I like what we have. It would have to be a SUPER good deal and I'll tell you right now, I won't pay more than what we all ready are. I refuse!!!
Him: (after thinking for a bit) What if it was $2 over?
Me: Then we'll TALK...
Him: Okay!!!!! (Suddenly his face brightens. That just can't be a good sign.... :) )

Yesterday he had to be in Bangor for a meeting. "I think I'm going to take your vehicle," he says. That's fine. "I'm going to look at new vans." (With three kids, our Toyota Sienna has done really well for us.) I gave him a rather blank stare, but okay... whatever, I don't have an opinion one way or the other.

Yesterday afternoon, I get a phone call from a very excited Honey who is sitting in a new van saying he thinks the numbers look good and we could get into a 2007 vehicle. "Are you kidding me???" I ask. "NO, I'm not."

Me: I don't know, Honey. Why can't we just fix what we have. And, he gives me reasons. I sort of know the reasons, but....
Him: Tell you what, we'll come back up on Saturday, you can test drive it and if you like it, I really think we should get it.
Me: Doesn't hurt to test drive it, I suppose. (and in the back of my mind, I've been trying to get to Bangor for the past few weeks anyway...)

Well, he surprises me by starting the paperwork on it AS WELL as DRIVING it home last night!!!! Because my name is on the title, nothing can happen without my signature. And, darn it... it drives really nicely, too and is spacious which is good for girls who suddenly want their friends to go everywhere with them. And (which I just have to laugh about), it's only $1.79 more a month.

So, I hope we are making the right choice. This is one of those moments where I wish very much for the ability to peer into the future and see how this effects us. I would love sooo much to someday NOT have a vehicle payment. All that money could go towards saving for our house. But on the flip side, the longer we have the Sienna, the more money we keep having to sink into it. It doesn't stay in alignment. We are constantly (it seems) having to replace tires on that thing. We weren't told when we bought it, but apparently it was in an accident at one point and it effected the front end. Charming.....

We were going to go to Bangor on Saturday and finish signing everything. Unfortunately, we're under a winter storm watch (yes, insert the mother of all swear words, here...). Yuck, yuck, YUCKYYYY!!!! Tonight, into tomorrow morning we're expected to get 6 inches or so of "the substance which shall not be named" (reference that Ghost Bride will most definitely understand... Thanks, GB!)

(Pouty face) Bye, bye bare patches of ground.....
I just have to keep telling myself that it's just going to make the final arrival of Spring even more spectacular!!!
And now... off to visit Blogthings..... tee hee....

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

All right.... before some of you watch this video I found, first, let me just say that in some ways, it's starts off a little bit like a horror movie.

But trust me, it has a wonderful ending....





So close!!! I'll keep wishing and dreaming.....



On a side note, being the horrible, cruel slave driver that I am... I commanded a "Clean-Up Day" from the whole family yesterday. Today it's touch-ups, floors and laundry. Ahhhh.... it's a wonderful feeling. And now... I can do some QUILTING!!!!! (Yay!!!!)

My classes are going pretty good. I'm getting used to the sort of free for all setting that the instructor has created. I have a table runner top that is nearly made and by next class I'll have all the material (the batting and the solid background backing) to finish it. Meantime, I am ever so carefully cutting out the pieces for my very first quilt. So far, so good.... With the one that I am doing on my own, sadly... I've run out of fabric. I have 17 out of the 79 squares I need. So, it will just be a work in progress.

I've realized that turning clothes into fabric is much harder than I thought. Now I understand why Grammie used the material that she did for her quilt. Many of the girls' clothes have a fine knit to them so they are super stretchy. Not the best for a beginner to work on. I'm sure there must be a way to do it, I just have to figure it out!!!!!


Yes, another Photobucket contribution....

Cheers! ~MacKenzie