Good morning, good morning, Inner fire! I have missed you over the past few days!

This week, I have spent most of my time only with the girls. I have enjoyed being just a mommie. Well, actually, all three girls have colds so there's been lots of cuddle times in between Polly Pockets, Play Doh, books, singing, coloring, puzzles, and more. I have definitely been like this... ...at the end of the day.


Yesterday we celebrated Mepa's (Honey's grandfather) 78th birthday. It was a lot of fun, although, Mepa did talk about him getting older, how he knew that he was nearing the end of of life. He was okay because it had been a very happy and satisfying life; he couldn't ask for much more. He did hope to reach 90 as long as he kept his health. It was also brought up that Papa had a week to go to break the "family curse". Both his dad and grandfather had passed on at 55 due to cancer. Papa turns 56 next week......

Well, apparently all this talk got Honey to thinking. He told me last night that he felt as if his life was half over. What the hell? Well, change your lifestyle...exercise, eat right, do what you can to not leave me and the girls when you're in your 60's. No, he said, he doesn't think that's going to help.

That I got very pissed at him, is quite the understatement. There's so much left to do, so much left to enjoy. How can we fit it all in in 30 years or so? I mean, the thought of me traveling alone in my 70's doesn't impress me too much. Maintaining a home by myself doesn't seem to have as much...color as it does sharing it with him. But, if worse came to worse, I'd do it. I don't plan for life to end in my 60's or 70's, hopefully not even my 80's and if I have to travel around by myself, change a flat tire on the car, mow the lawn (okay, I admit, I don't even know how to turn the lawn mower on.... )then I guess I'll be learning new skills even then. I'll be one of those little old ladies in the motorized carts zooming down the airport halls, beeping my horn for everyone to get out of my way!!! (goodness...please, let me have a grandchild nearby who will take pity on their grandmother and mow my lawn!!! )

His attitude just frustrates me, that's all. It also tells me that our family togetherness and family time together must become more important in our lives. We already know that's one area in our lives that we need to pay more attention to. We started by doing a few family activities, but the past two weeks, know what? nothing....no game night, walks in the snow, crafts, brainstorming together. I really hate playing the tyrant in the family, but guess what's going to happen this weekend.... ??

We've thought about starting a family e-bay business. I don't know if we could maintain it all year long, but as I look around my house now and think of all the things we have in storage..... There's baby clothes that are sitting there doing nothing. Books that I may never read again, toys that the kids have outgrown, jewelry that I just don't wear anymore.....

We thought about teaching Pumpkin the ins and outs of money. We thought about taking a Saturday once a month and during the summer traveling to all the flea markets that pop up along the coast in Searsport, Camden, and Rockport. Perhaps we could let her earn money around the house so that Pumpkin can go "shopping" at some of these places and then she could go through the whole process of putting it on ebay and watching her item sell. We wish now that we had asked for a bunch of camping gear for Christmas. Honey and I used to travel to the area for the weekend and know three really good camp grounds to spend the night in. ah...wonderful, wonderful times.....

Honey LOVES to tell the story of camping once by the railroad tracks. The camp site was beautiful with a pond that we went fishing in. However, at 4 in the morning when I was in a sound sleep, a train went by. Well, in my sleep, apparently I believed that it was going to run us over and in a complete and utter panic, tried to untangle myself from the sleeping bag and get away. Honey had to hold me down. Thank goodness he did because can you imagine the talk though the campground the following morning of a crazy naked woman screaming through the campground by moonlight??? yeah...........

Okay, and with that, I shall sign off for today. It's a little after 9am and I have to do my exercises with the girls (a complete chuckle in itself watching the girls try to do as I do), as I CERTAINLY DO intend to stay limber and healthy and live through many many years to come..... and then start the rest of my day.

Cheers! ~MacKenzie
PS..please, please bear with me as I promise to attempt to catch up with you all....when I can. Life is coming at me in all directions and I seem to be taking many side trips lately. ALL of which keep me away from swimming in the Stream

Another ultrasound for Little Brother and Fiancee showed that the baby is doing great. It was determined that the placenta had started to pull away from the lining of the uterus. It was a very close call. Even though her physician is saying that this is a high risk pregnancy, they have been given a clean bill of health! I appreciate the well wishes that were sent to me/them. Thank you, thank you!


So today as I was holding a few meetings at work, Pumpkin was scheduled to have a dr's appointment. Mom C took all three girls. The doctor feels that so far is is not her eyes or her ears, it's not a virus, it's not migraines. Her doctor didn't think that blood work was necessary. So that leaves the possibility that it could be stress related or it could be allergies. She has an appointment with an allergist in March. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

What is a little funny now is that suddenly Monkey and Parrot, if something goes wrong, I get big puppy dog eyes and "I have a headache, Momma...." They say it so darn cute!!!!!

It was really sweet for Mom C to call and brag them up. Apparently they were playing the "Do as I do" game at the doctors. One of the things to do was to pat your head and belly at the same time. So after the appointment, they went out to lunch and then did some shopping. Mom C was paying for the items when suddenly she looks down. Monkey and Pumpkin are doing great watching the items go down the belt, etc. And there's my little Parrot, standing in the middle of the aisle, off on her own little cloud floating away patting her head and tummy...... Mom said it was absolutely adorable!!!!

In all honesty, Mom C and I appear to suddenly be getting along better. I wonder if it has anything to do with work. I mean, after all, I knew her as my boss first before friend and mom in law. I looked at her, I saw work. I wonder if perhaps she did the same with me? Suddenly we are leveling off in something....nice. Normal. Friendly. Does she keep offering her opinions even when I don't ask, of course and I'm sure she always will, even when I don't want them. Will she take over even when she does not realize it? It's a given yes. But, I have huge hopes that maybe some of the tension will be gone between us. Maybe without the trials of work between us, things will improve. I hope so!!!

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Fortunately, I was able to finish the report from the 26th and I got it sent out yesterday. I am glad that that is over. It felt absolutely horrible yesterday when I was working on it because the girls kept coming up to me with books asking me to read to them. Or it was asking for help with their Polly Pockets. Or could I please do this-n-that for them. Mostly it was the reading though.

Suddenly they have taken a huge interest in books and I really want to keep that going. So, when I told them not now, but later, they would stand there and cry. I HAD to get the report finished by 1:30 though so I could print it out, put it all together and get it to the main office so signatures could be added and copies made. Finally, it could be sent out so it would make the dead line. I was able to complete it, but the cost was me feeling as if I was ignoring the girls.

The worst thing is, I have to get ready for two more meetings for tomorrow. Then I have to write those darn reports. The good thing is though, the deadline for those is 30 days.

Also, I discovered something. I think (gulp) that the time has come that I may need glasses! Over the past two months or so, I've been getting more headaches and my eyes sometimes just feel real tired and achey. I have not had my eyes checked for, ummm..... let's see. Well, I think the last time I had them checked was before I was married. I suppose it is due, but man.... I can't even keep track of our phone half the time. How would I do it with glasses???

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Little Brother and Fiancee are doing well. Had a good, restful day and evening. No cramping, no bleeding. But the family seems reluctant to sigh with relief quite yet.


I am still sort of reeling from an incident that occurred with Honey and I Thursday night. I wouldn't exactly call what Honey and I had an argument or even a falling out. I guess perhaps it was a really heavy, intense... discussion, one of those highly charged very emotional ones. I would have preferred to have hopped into a boxing ring and boxed with the champion than to have dealt with the emotions and truths that were floating around in the air between us. The thing is, I'm the one who started it in the first place. Upon reflection was there a part of me that wanted this to occur? A part that said enough is enough? Because once it started, it was like the champagne bottle that had been shaken then exploded upon touch.

I won't go into the gory details, but suffice it to say, there were defense mechanisms shooting up from all around. Although he was trying to be helpful in some of what he was saying, it felt like an attack on me. Well, part of me felt that and the other (probably the part that wanted this out in the open) tried to remain open to the discussion. Eventually a lot of insecurities of mine surfaced, things I actually didn’t even know were there until they just popped out my mouth. I started talking and then I didn’t shut up. For awhile Honey sat there with a strange baffled expression on his face. "Where did THAT come from? When did you start thinking that? You really think that I....?" were just a few of the questions he had for me.

"Topics" of discussion maneuvered through my need to be perfect, my problems with transition and the fact that I sometimes shut down around him with feelings, emotions and thoughts that he needs to hear because, after all, as he said, he's no mind reader. What in the world was that part of me thinking when those first few words came out of my mouth???? Actually, we had to talk about it because we're really noticing that some of these things are impacting Pumpkin....especially the perfectionism thing. We're going to have to start dealing with it now. And part of that is me dealing with my own stuff so that I can better support her with hers. I warn you now, you may become increasingly bored out of your mind as I explore and try to work it out.

We ended the evening over ice cream and watching some comedy something or other on TV. There was still quite a bit of emotional energy in the air around us and I hope that in me feeling better, I haven't made him feel worse.

But part of what I did explain to him is that somehow, I know that change is upon us both mentally, physically, emotionally, financially..... It's sort of a life change, I guess. And we both feel it. It's looking around at what we are doing, not seeing how point B is ever going to get us to Dream A. It's just time, even though it may be a one step ahead, two back type of process. 2007 is shaping up with the possibility to be quite the memorable year.

Because the evening had been rather emotionally draining, we both went to bed early. Around 5am or so, I slowly start to surface from slumber and I'm not fully awake yet, but it's just enough that the mind starts working. And I realize that I have this deep, deep yearning to connect with Honey. Now whether this was perhaps from a dream or perhaps from the energy of the evening before that just hadn't burnt itself out yet, I have no idea. But oh how I wanted him. I wanted him on me, in me and surrounding me. I wanted fire works and I wanted it to be wonderful. So, I laid there for just a moment, getting all excited on what the best way to wake him up was. Would a trail of kisses up his back be better, his shoulder? And as I'm finalizing details suddenly WHAM!!! I get kicked --hard-- right between the shoulder blades!!! It brought me to startling reality in a hurry! And I sat up, looked over and there was one of the twins in between us who I had woken with my movements. Assuring her that all was well, that no absolutely nothing...NOTHING was going on , we settled down again. Rats!!!!!



This post has been written in sections since Friday. I’m trying to keep the flow moving smoothly. I fear I may have to change the way I blog a bit by writing bits and pieces here and there and then when I have to the time to actually post something, put it all together.

It’s been such a very busy weekend this weekend. Today is Pumpkin’s birthday!!!!!! Yay! Today she is 7 years old! It’s amazing!!!!!

It’s sort of funny because we had her family birthday party for her yesterday. We wanted to make sure that Little Brother and Fiancee could make it so we scheduled it for then. Ah well... sometimes not even the best of plans work out.

It’s like she had another Christmas yesterday! I couldn’t believe all the stuff she got. Honey and I did not buy her nearly anything. We decided quality over quantity was best way to go. We wanted to give her something that would encourage her growing interests. She has been having horse back riding lessons in the summer/fall. She has the boots and the gloves. We bought her the pants and helmet (the riding helmet she had been wearing was one that her instructor had and it did not fit her right). We actually saw the jacket, too. OH MY Goodness!!! Maybe when she’s 16. That sucker was so very expensive and really….it’s just for looks. There was no sense to get that when she’s only going to grow out of it in a year or so anyway. (although, how much do you want to bet that by the end of her horse lessons this year her grandparents will get it for her……) Honey, especially, was very excited to give it to her and we hoped she would be extremely excited as well. Hopefully with her horse back riding lessons she will appreciate it. Mom C and Papa bought her a bike… she seemed absolutely thrilled with that. Kids..... whatcha gonna do?

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!!!!
Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Well, I had started a post earlier this morning but then I got a phone call from Mom C. Long story short, Sweet Fiancée and Little Brother almost lost their baby this morning. She woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and discovered she was bleeding. They went right to the ER. Lots of tests were done. In fact, they saw an ultrasound of my adorable niece or nephew. Thank heavens so far the baby is fine, heart beat is good and s/he was bopping around in there. Little Bro even saw hand and fingers. Today starts their fourth month. The hospital released her late this morning, explaining that the next 48-72 hours were very important. She’s on complete bed rest. The whole family basically called Bro and told him not to let her DO A THING!!!!! We’ll just have to wait and see what will happen. Obviously we are hoping and praying for the best.

What happened really brought back a lot of feelings from my miscarriage all those many years ago as well has loosing Zach. Actually, it wasn’t just me who felt it, but Honey as well. He called Little Bro up this evening and felt the need to give him some advice such as always listening to your own instincts, no matter what anyone else says. If a doctor said to wait and if they felt the need to go have the baby checked on, do it. Finally Little Brother told him to calm down. Honey apologized explaining that he just got emotional about stuff like that. Poor Little Brother, having such a stressful day and then having his brother call him up and yell at him. All in concern, however, and I have a feeling Little brother understood.

Just another reminder that it’s not just me who feels, who remembers, who lives with the memories (good and bad).

All we can do right now is hope, pray and keep our fingers crossed.
Cheers! ~MacKenzie