Good afternoon, everyone! I wrote and tried to post this last night, but for whatever reason, the computer decided it would be a no go. Hopefully, if you're reading this, it has changed its mind and has decided to be cooperative...

Yup.....it's going to be a bumpy ride for awhile, if today is any indication. Where to begin..... Okay.

1) So my Mom calls my sister over the weekend. She's been concerned about her because Sis has decided to change her name. She's been dating some new guy regularly. Apparently they SPENT ALL of Christmas together. Before Christmas, Mom asked Sis right out why she was changing her name right now. Why not wait until she got married again. Was she getting married again? Sis replied that she hoped around Christmas she would be. So Mom requests that Sis at least let her know what's going. Sis says sure. Apparently in conversations since then, Sis has sort of said that her new guy is spending nights, etc. Mom, a very devoted, religious person became very concerned. On the phone late Sunday night, my grandmother asks to talk to sis. Asks her straight out if she was planning to get married or are they starting a common law marriage. Sis tells her SHE'S BEEN MARRIED SINCE DEC. 29....

What the hell is that about? She can't even let us know there's a new member to the family!!!! And then, I'm in bed thinking about it and suddenly I'm afraid for her. Oh no, the thought runs through my head...what if HE'S telling her she can't tell others. What if he's like the ex and is making rules and such that she can't be involved in her family. We know absolutely NOTHING about this guy. Well, at least she sounds happy, my mom states. I wouldn't know, I reply seeing as she hasn't bothered to contact me with a simple...hey, guess what. I'm just feeling rather angry and hurt right about now. I know that Mom talks to her about once a week or so. As long as there's that contact, I don't worry too much right now. With her calling plan, she can call long distance on her cell for free..... however, it is always Mom that has to do the calling and mom doesn't have that sort of plan..... nor do I.... Nor does she have a reliable email. Nor does she write to me on my reliable email address.... So okay. I suppose I have to think the best and hope all works out. I have to assume right now that there's a reason, a good one, that Sis is being so secretive. (Honey actually thinks she’s not married, but they pressured her into saying so, but really that doesn’t sound like her. Then again, getting married without letting anyone know does?) We’ve tried to be there for her, supporting her with all she’s had to deal with for the past few years, especially with the divorce and such, so it's a little tough right now. I have to work though a bit of feelings before I contact her.

2) Work, work; charming work. I get a phone call from a case manager for two of our residents. Even though their meetings are normally held in April, suddenly, due to the many changes going on, they have to be done by the 31st...of THIS MONTH!!!!! What?!? Yes, well... blah, blah, blah. Grrr. Okay. I spend this morning off and on the phone trying to set up this three month process in a matter of hours. Technically, the process was supposed to start this month so the meeting would be held in March with the new meeting coordinator. Well, this sucks. It looks like I'm stuck with two more meeting reports. I let Mom C know. She had to rearrange her schedule to accommodate. However, the only other alternative at the moment was Honey take a personal day. He was prepared to do so, but well, if he can save it for when we really need it...that's better. Man, but I do not want to do them. Such is life, I suppose. SO, I ask Mom C if she's had any leads finding someone for my position. She's talked to two people about the job and both have turned her down. I guess they were smarter than me..... I told her I would stay on as long as she needed me. I don't know why I said it, but I did. She says she wants someone in there by mid February. Okay...we'll deal.

3) Pumpkin has been complaining of headaches that move into upset stomachs at school. She's not normally one to complain and up to this point has enjoyed school. It seems to occur when people get noisy such as in music class, it causes her head to start pounding and then she starts to sweat and her tummy starts to hurt. Good heavens, what is that about? Once she came home from school because she looked so sick. The teacher was concerned. So, I called the doctor's office today. The closest they could get her in is the 31st. The same day, the SAME TIME as those rotten annual meeting that I just had to schedule! Of all the luck. But fortunately, when I was talking with Mom C, she offered to take Pumpkin. Said she'd drag Papa along and maybe they'd take all three girls out to lunch afterwards. That would be pretty cool. I hope and pray its actually something physical rather than emotional. At such a very young age, Pumpkin is such a perfectionist. We'll just have to wait and see and do whatever it takes to support her. ( Please, please just let it be something physical. I can deal with that. I suppose I can deal with anything, but please.... let it be something like some strange ear infection that effects her differently....)

4 and Lastly) Oh man....give Honey some time to think and he just comes up with some absolutely amazing plans. He has developed a new financial plan. He's really focused on the newest one. And it's not bad. Not at all, but it requires risk and money. (I am chicken...hear me CACKLE as I run away as fast as my puny little drumsticks will let me!!!) I want more time to understand the finer points before I start rambling about it. Damn, but it could be a good thing.....

That's what is on the plate for today. Technically, nothing too dramatic, just time consuming and annoying. And here I thought I was trying to uncomplicate my life...... So why does it smell like chicken barbeque?

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

It was a bit of a rough day yesterday mood wise. I kept thinking about what life may be like after February when I'm no longer working part time. How would we manage without my pay check? As you know, I don't change from my ways easily and tend to fall into old patterns.

Finally when I was so confused and frustrated that I couldn't even think straight, I invited the Divine for a good sit down. At first I did not feel any better. Then, a little later, even though I tried not to think of it, I couldn't help but think things would work out.

After awhile I remembered that things in life just happen. And they happen for a reason and I just needed enough faith to carry us through. So it was one of those things where I just said, "Okay Divine, if this is what you want and this is what you give us, then okay. We'll deal with it and will find the faith that you'll help us get through it. Please, provide guidance and answers as soon as you are able."

Okay...I felt much like myself once again. Although there were no real answers, I just wasn't going to worry about it. Then the thought popped into my head that maybe we had saved enough from our new car insurance policy to deal monthly with the IRS for the next SEVERAL months. Somehow, we'd make it work.



Last night Papa called. He said he'd been thinking of our IRS sitiation and decided to play around with the forms a little. (That's funny because I was going to call him about this anyway.) He asked for all the numbers on our W-2's again and then basically told Honey that he had no idea what Honey had been doing, but he came up with much diffent results. Papa has a talent for these things. Numbers and forms and data stuff, he's just really good with such things. So, Papa and Honey worked through the forms over the phone. Chances are, Honey saw what had happened with his checks, started getting upset and instead of putting it aside for awhile to calm down, attempted to bulldoze through it trying to get to the end result, a conclusion that matched his fears.

Bottom line? Papa today is a miracle worker. We may get like, $10 tops back from our taxes, but the most important thing is that we are not going to have to pay in. What a relief! Or, it it ends up we do have to pay, it will be something we can afford. What a miracle!!!! Thank you, thank You, Papa for taking all that time. He deserves cookies or a pie, at least, don't you think??

And, since I made this whole issue public to begin with, I feel it's also only right to say a warm and fuzzy Thank You to the Divine as well for hearing, seeing and then answering a prayer/request (quite timely too, don't you think!?!), what ever you choose to call it. Sometimes, the times when you feel you need Divine intervention the most is the times when you feel the most alone. Sometimes it is as if we pray and pray and pray and our words just float off into oblivion. I've had enough of those in my life to know that as fact. And who can say exactly why it happens, but it does. Perhaps it to make requests that are answered all the more sweeter? I'm not sure..... No matter what, I am very grateful and thankful to the Divine for these turn of events.

Now I wonder what the Divine could do about a screaming toddler who only wants candy and who has to wait until after suppper to have one (she already ate all she could during the day today....)


Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Nothing should surprise me when it comes to me and blogging. Here I am, an hour or so later fingers clacking across the keys. My mind is unsettled tonight. Maybe it's because I'm going to have an appointment tomorrow and I want to cancel it. Maybe it's because we learned tonight that we are going to have to pay income tax big time this year as Honey's main place of work has been taking out way too little from his check (why...??? oh why did we not notice???? arrggghhhhh!). Maybe it's because I have report info spread out all over my desk in front of me. There's pressure on to get it done. And for awhile, suddenly I was scared and was thinking that I've made the wrong decision. I mean, our electric bill went crazy last month, now we have to pay in to the IRS, Honey will get his check straightened out so now less money will come in from his check, and I guess a little more reality has kicked in. But then I remember.....

Monkey and Parrot thought it absolutely cool that we made homemade bread today. Okay, not exactly homemade, but made from scratch in a bread machine. It because a little game. "Now...if I was to need.... sugar, where oh where would I find it?" "Over there, Mommie!!!" "Really, could you help me look?" And then, there was the facination with the churning of the mixture in the machine. Both of them numerous times asked to be picked up so they could stare through the window of the machine to see the ball of dough bouncing around in there. They kept asking if it was done yet. "No, sweeties, not yet. I'll tell you when."

We had to pick up Pumpkin from school. When we returned, we came back to the wonderful aroma of baking bread in the house. When Honey got home he said he could smell it all the way from outside! (I can't imagine it, really, but hey... who knows!) Of course, by the time he got home, the bread had been out of the machine for awhile and half the loaf was gone!!!!!! (They REALLY liked the bread!)

THAT'S how I want my life to be. That's how I want the girls to remember their childhood. Good heavens, but this is scary! I have two very clear pictures in my head of possible future outcomes. They are both very, very different.

Two years. We just have to do this for two years and then I can start work again. I'd rather be working from home, if possible in two years, but if not....something will come up. I know it will. I'm just not sure what. This leaping into the unknown is not exactly fun at the moment. Well, yes, in a way it is, but again, it isn't. It's 50/50, I guess tonight.

I think I'm going to go have some more bread......

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Let Peace Prevail In This World.......

When you look for peace
then the peace lies within you
When you search for peace
then it is not hard to find
When you want to keep peace alive
then you allow white doves to fly over you
When you make peace with others
then the whole world live in your heart
When you let peace be in the world
then you live in wonderful world
When you allow peace flow around the world
then your hateness will go and love will flow
When you open the door for peace
then peace welcome to your lives.
Let the peace prevail in our wonderful world

Ravi Sathasivam / Sri Lanka


Peace

Give me peace so I won't cry anymore,
Peace so my soul can rest and have something left to fight for.

Give me peace so my heart can love,
Peace so I can can believe that there is good above.

Give me peace so I can rest tonight,
Peace so I can sleep, not searching for his image within the night.

Give me peace so I can go on,
Peace so I can be at peace within the dreams that I long.

Samantha Cooney


Peace be with you (Latin-Pax Vobiscum)

Oh God! I need a quiet place,
Where flows the nectar of peace,
Not that kind of dead peace,
In the grave, one finds with ease.

I went to the Himalayas Mountain,
But peace there was no certain,
As the solitude tore my mind,
A little peace when I tried to find.

I heard good spiritual lectures,
Those from eminent preachers,
For peace, I left no place unturned,
But with a perturbed mind I returned.

Tell me, oh God, that unknown place,
Where lies that elusive peace,
What I need, now I can find,
So, I’ll have peace of mind.

God answered, “Hey you fool,
First learn to keep yourself cool,
Don’t search elsewhere out,
But dive deep into your heart.”

“Peace isn’t an object that lies outside,
But it’s a feeling that’s generated inside.
Learn to cultivate peace in your heart.
To enjoy this peace, better you now start.”

“Know this I’m in your heart.
I fill it up with peace quite a lot.
This divine peace when you merit,
No need to go elsewhere for it.”

Rajaram Ramachandran

Wow. It's finally here, again. FINALLY, we got another snow storm that stuck. Since the beginning of December, this is the next storm that gave us any snow! Weird! The ground is covered with the white stuff and the kiddies are excited. Unfortunately, yesterday the temperture remained around 17 so I just didn't want them out in it. Also, Honey, although he wasn't supposed to work, went into work anyway and while there, friends of ours called him up asking how to build a ramp.....

Our friend's mother just had a knee replacement surgery and could come home, but could not get into her house because there's a series of steps required to get in. Well, Honey, knowing these guys have even less handiness with a hammer than I do, went over to help. 17 degrees outside, snow and ice falling and they are building a ramp. Not the best planning, I would say, but hey....what do I know?

Honey was happy to do it though because this woman has always been really sweet to us. When I was pregnant with the girls, we had two very rambunctious dogs. Before the girls came along, they were our babies.... We got Zoe (our greyhound/black lab mix who had extremely little lab in her), our oldest only two months after we were married. Zoe was an amazing dog. (but whose isn't.....) We learned that she LOVED the Blues! We even nick named her our blues puppy. There's one song (can't remember the name) on the original Blues Brothers sound track that when the first few bars would play, Zoe would jump up off the couch, and prance I swear, in the time of the beat. Then when the singer began to sing, she'd howl right along with him. I will admit, the first two times she did this by herself. Then, she'd get a treat to reinforce the behavior. But, it was SOOOO funny! My little blues puppy...... Zeus (black lab/hound) came about 6 years later. By that time, we were both working full time and we thought that another dog would help keep Zoe company. Oh my.....the trouble we were in!

Zeus, who basically attached himself to me, had separation anxiety. Now, we got him when he was just a little rollie pollie puppy. But man! Within 6 months, he was a TERROR!!!! because we didn't quite understand what was going on first. When they were alone, we would come back to a disaster area. It literally looked like a top class tornado had struck in our home. Furniture was broken apart, the rugs torn up, my books, my wonderful books, shredded to pieces (notice I say MY....that dog left most of Honey's stuff alone!!!!), and of course puppy feces and pee everywhere, etc, etc.

I will never forget that first Christmas Eve when we got home around 1am from Honey's parents home, walked in the living room to discover that Zeus had gotten into the kitchen pantry, dragged out our open 20 pound flour bag. It looked as if it had SNOWED in our Living Room and we were having company over the following day!!!!! We went to bed that night/morning, a little after 4 and got up by 7 to start the preparations for company arriving at 10. That was probably the closest Zeus got towards getting thrown out the window. Honey was so very, very mad. I couldn't do anything but laugh hysterically.

So, we confined them to the kitchen. Well, he broke into the cupboards and dragged out all the pots and pans, chewed on the handles while sitting right beside his own chew toys, he pulled all he could get off the counters and crunched up everything, including glasses!!!!! I was actually a bit astonished and scared when I tried to put my favorite glass vase together only do discover a few chunks from it gone. Everything had been swept and moved so there was no more glass to be found. He pulled the dishwasher away from the wall and chewed up the insulation backing from it!!!! It was just astonishing.

One day while Honey was home and I took off to the store, he noticed that Zeus began to get increasingly nervous. He finally got to the point with whining and such that Honey was annoyed and put Zeus outside. Honey and I did a few experiments and Honey would watch Zeus's behavior when I went to get the mail (the post office was near by) or leave in the car or just go outside. We took the info to the vet (while also insuring that all the foreign object he'd been eating wouldn't cause serious problems). The conclusion: separation anxiety.

Although we felt hesitant to do so, we began to crate Zeus when we were gone. It's the ONLY reason we were able to keep him. So, we spent a lot of money to keep a great big huge crate in our living room for a dog we had hoped would keep our other one company while we were gone.

We had the two dogs when we were living in a real house. Even with Pumpkin arrived, everything was okay. When we moved here into the trailer, it was a little crowded with us three, two dogs and a cat, but we managed. The dogs had to be exercised more, but all was good.

Well, it was good until I became pregnant with the twins. By 6 months, I was big. REALLY BIG!!!! I was already waddling by this time. I was too big to pick things up off the floor anymore and was even starting to get too big to be able to wash dishes or do laundry anymore. Zeus, sensing something was going on, began with his old tricks. The interior of this place became his private bathroom. He started chewing on things he shouldn't, he became demanding and if I didn't have him right by my side at all times, he would get into something. When he started pooping in Pumpkin's room, that was the (heart) breaking point for me. When Honey came home and saw me on my hands and knees struggling up pick up the mess, Honey said no more. The dogs had to go because he HAD to work and I couldn't be taking on such tasks while in my current condition.

It ended up that we had to return Zeus to the no-kill animal shelter that we got him from. It was absolutely horrible and I cried for a few days after he was gone. We were nervous about Zoe, though because by then she was close to 10 years old and we wanted to make sure she got a good home.

This friend who called Honey yesterday was living with his mom at the time and she agreed that he could take Zoe. When he up and moved into an apartment that did not allow dogs, she kept Zoe. She was so fantastic with Zoe that we had no concerns. We learned that having three children and all the baby stuff that went with twins such as bouncie seats, high chairs, cribs, etc, that it left little room for us, let alone a dog. And Zoe was happy there so although we had the option of getting her back, we didn't take it.

Two years ago when Zoe began to experience health problems, this woman took care of all the medical bills, insured that Zoe received the best and when we went to visit, Zoe was always happy and well cared for. I don't think we could have given Zoe that kind of assistance that she needed. All our money was now going towards supporting our family.

This past December, when Zoe had a hard time walking because of the pain in her hips, could hardly hear anymore because of ear infections and began with eye problems, the vet told the woman that Zoe's good days would be fewer and fewer. The woman decided it was best that Zoe be put to sleep. And for this woman to say that, we know she has good judgment and well, Zoe wasn't ours anymore so we had no say. She was really sweet though and wanted to make sure that we had the option to say good bye.

Zoe had a huge sending off party. She had bacon and turkey and peanut butter and all sorts of other favorite foods that she couldn't eat anymore because her tummy couldn't handle it. When the woman took Zoe to the vet for the final time she made sure that Zoe was all right. Now Zoe was a people dog and she went happy and willingly with the technician.

It does feel as if we lost a member of our family. But I think Zoe is better off now.

Whatever the reason I said all that, it was so say that when the friend called asking questions about building the ramp for his mom who had the surgery, even in the 17 degree snowy/sleet filled weather, he was happy to help out and build that for her. It was his way of saying thank you for taking such good care of Zoe. Although, chances are, even if it wasn't this woman, if Honey can be of help to someone who needs it, he'll be there. Just another reason why I fell in love with him to begin with and another reminder of how lucky I am to have a guy like him.

So today, the temp is close to 35. When Pumpkin gets home from school we'll all put on our snow gear and go play in the snow. When we make our snowman, perhaps I'll even get a little creative and make a few snow dogs, too.

Cheers! ~MacKenzie