Merry Christmas everyone!!!! Things are on track here at the MacKenzie household. We have to get some MAJOR cleaning done, but if we have to, we can perform a quick surface clean tonight when we get home. Is it just want I want? well....not exactly, but I'm determined not to tip over the deep end this Christmas.

Unfortunately....no Christmas stockings were found. It really stinks, but well, when I find them I've decided that I am going to store them right with the Christmas angel for future years so this will never happen again. A little later today, it's off to the store I go for some generic ones.


There is a holiday tradition that I have started in my house hold. It started after my father's death when all through Christmas Day I had a candle lit for him as a way of keeping his presence with us. It was something that I continued to do over they years. When our son Zach passed on, his candle was added to my father's. Eventually, Honey made me a special candle holder out of birch. Christmas Eve I decorate it with evergreens and have it lit during Christmas Day.

There are six candles that now hold a variety of meaning. Six, the number of members in our household because even though Zachary may not be with us physically, he's never far from our thoughts.
They are also lit for another reason.... one for Christmas past that we never forget the times and special memories that have already been shared, another for Christmas present that we can find the warmth and peace and love that can be there if we are open to it; another for future Christmas blessings; then another for loved ones in general that have passed on as they are remembered and honored for their time with us; a candle for our present family and friends and those in our life who make living this life all worth it in the end; and a candle lit for those family and friends that we have not met yet.

So right now, our presents are wrapped, the Christmas candy and baking for the most part is done. Around 3:00 we will head over to Mom C and Papa's for Christmas Eve where we will exchange gifts with them, Mema and Mepa (honey's grandparents), Little Brother and Fiance. We all bring munchies and just relax in our pj's around the tree and open gifts throughout the evening. The feeling will be carried on through tomorrow here at our home.

When Honey and I get home tonight, we only have to make a breakfast casserole and the dips that will be out on our table tomorrow. We have never been this far ahead before and I feel as if I'm forgetting something, but if I am....I have NO idea what it is and will not dwell on it.

Well, I have been informed that my time for blogging is nearing it's end. I do hope that if you have not yet, that peace and happiness will find you. If you have family arriving, may they have safe travels. May Santa be good to all of you!!!! May the spirit of love rest itself on all of you for many, many, many months to come.

Merry Christmas! Love, MacKenzie

Sometimes life is really, really good, sometimes you have to go through rough patches.

I heard the saddest story last night. It concerns our poor sweet God-daughter (you know...the one who comes over to help out with the kids every once in awhile). Well, a week ago, God-daughter's family went down to visit their relatives in lower New England for a holiday celebration. She was given an adorable golden retriever puppy for Christmas. It was on an antibiotic because it had caught an infection, but all was well. Some of the other puppies in the litter were having problems, too. They brought the puppy home and she seemed to be getting stronger and although quiet, did all the little puppy things. Sophie was already melting into their hearts. When Sophie came off the antibiotics, within 24 hours, she was really sick again. Taking her to the vet on the 20th, he stated that she was so sick, she needed to go to his main office in Ellsworth (yes... we only have vet services around here three days a week...the rest of the time it's off for a 45 minute drive we go...).

Yesterday God daughter learned that her little puppy Sophie was suffering from some serious birth defects. Sophie's organs were not doing what they were supposed to do and even if they were able to pull her through this crisis, three months, eight months, a year tops, the probability was they would have to go through it all over again. God-daughter did not want to see her puppy go through all the tests, all the suffering and pain only to have it happen all over again. Even though she wanted her puppy so very much, she had the compassion to put Sophie to sleep. (vets recommendation) Aunt V, her mom, was telling the story last night and we were all in tears!!!!! She wouldn't talk about it either. Mine and Honey's hearts just go out to her.


I am in one hell of a mess. Oh my goodness, I cannot believe it, but unfortunately, somehow.... I have lost our Christmas stockings. I have been searching the entire place over the past few days trying to find them. Honey is very upset. To him, having his Christmas stocking is part of what makes Christmas, ...Christmas. His great, great grandmother made everyone a special Christmas stocking for their very first Christmas. When Honey and I got engaged, Honey asked Memere if she would make me a stocking, too and by the end of January, I received it in the mail. I guess she some how knew that I would not cry off at the last minute..... She was excited to make my Christmas stocking because she had been given a new pattern and thought it perfect for me. Mine is unique. When Pumpkin was born, Memere had passed on, but an aunt had taken up her cause and now all three girls have matching Christmas stockings with ours. And I have lost them!!!!

Last year, we discovered that mice had ruined the tree skirt I had made. It was white felt and I had stitched some pretty Christmas ribbon around the edges. Each year, I had planned to add the girls hand prints to it with dates until they turned 18. Of course, I had five hand prints from pumpkin and two from Monkey and Parrot. Eaten..... I cried.

When putting away the stockings, I kept them separate because I was afraid the same thing might happen to them. I had wanted to find a small plastic tote to keep them in, so in the mean time, Honey put them in one of those air tight space bags to help protect them. This past summer I remember vaguely coming across them and saying to myself, that I had to put them in a safe place..... and now they are no where to be found.

At this point, I would rather Honey scream and yell at me rather than have the disappointment and frustration simmer under the surface. It would hurt like hell, but at least it would be out in the open. And believe me, I would understand. I'd be balling, but I would understand. I've told myself that this year I am not going to get all crazy and down when something goes wrong. Like when my outfit did not arrive yesterday for the family party last night, or when I burnt some cookies that I was planning as a Christmas gift. I don't want the crazies to dampen anyone's Christmas..... THIS however, is a serious threat to that vow to myself. I am trying to calmly and methodically go through EVERYTHING trying to find them. The only reason I'm not in the bedroom continuing the search is because Honey is still sleeping.

Opps....I think actually that the girls just woke him up! Just as well because we are going to my Mom's today for our Christmas celebration with them. We're hoping that they will come over to our house Christmas Day as well, but at least we will have some time to spend alone with them. Tonight, the search will continue!!!!!

Okay then, that's the ramble for today!
Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Coming home from finishing our Christmas shopping yesterday, we heard on the radio a survey taken from Men's Health.

67% of men stated that when they were boys, they searched the house for their Christmas presents..... 20% of them still do!!!!

So I guess I have to start being a little more creative in making sure that Honey does not find his presents....

Now where'd that tampon box go?.....

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Well, tonight started the whirlwind of events leading past Christmas Day. Tonight was Pumpkin's Winter Holiday Celebration. She and another grade are in the same room and they did a little skit. You should have seen her! Ha! She had the first speaking part and was also the one to lead them onto the stage and then off again. Actress, stage director, singer and entertainer all in one..... How amazing she is!

Tomorrow we head out again for one last round of Christmas shopping. Mom C and Papa are not able to watch the girls for us so we get the joy of crowded stores, grumpy children and the all around stress of trying to keep our heads on straight as we finish up. I had a feeling that this may happen so the girls gifts are completely taken care of....it is just a few other family members we have to worry about now.

Thursday is dedicated to cooking and clean up duty. Somehow I get the pleasure of starting our Christmas baking all by myself (actually, when it comes to sweets, I do actually enjoy cooking and besides package brownies...I do all right!). But inbetween the mixing and exchanging one hot pan of cookies for another, I have to keep an eye on the girls as well as clean the house. Then it becomes tough. But... we will muddle through. I shall turn up my Christmas music, keep playing Christmas videos in their room and have the best day possible on Thursday.

Friday is Honey's family Christmas party. So, I still have the day light hours to accomplish last minute cooking projects and wrapping gifts and such. In fact, Honey is thinking that he may be able to take that day off, if not, then hopefully he will be able to come home by noon time. Honey's family (parents, aunts/uncles/cousins, grandparents, etc) used to get together on Christmas Eve only. There's a lot of numbers on his side and often the gift giving would start around 7:00 after eating large amounts of really fattening food. We wouldn't get home until after midnight! When the girls came along, Mom C and Papa decided that it was just too much for everyone and now we have a family party to spend time with extended family. So, that will be a lot of fun.

Saturday, my Mom and Nana want us over for a Christmas celebration there. They like to exchange gifts alone and on past Christmas Days, it got a little hectic. So, most of the day Saturday will be with them. To Nana, that is what Christmas is about. Her family coming to her house and admiring all the work she has put in. Who could refuse an 86 year old woman's request for Christmas at her house?

Sunday, of course is the final is everything cooked? cleaned? wrapped? Christmas Eve we spend with Honey's immediate family...Mom C and Papa, his grandparents, Little Brother and Fiance. Mom C and Papa go over board every year with gifts. Every year we tell them to PLEASE....do not get carried away with the girls! And every year they promise they won't, but end up doing whatever they want anyway. The past two years we have managed to get home by 10 pm. That's not so bad. We're usually in bed by 1am latest!!!!

And of course, Christmas Day.... Morning is strictly for the five us us. However, there is an open invitation to any who choose to stop by after 11am. That starts the free for all food....dips, cheese, finger foods. Around 2:00 we add to the already existing food, items that would make up the meal....a Christmas ham, potatoes, a few veggies.... Not very much because we have already cooked a christmas breakfast for us and the girls and we've been munching through the day already...give us a break!!!! Once the "meal" type food is picked through we put most of those items away and out comes the sweets!!!! (my favorite!) Homemade candy, cookies, usually one or two fancier desserts such as cheese cake or what not, although this year...we're keeping things VERY low key and simple...lemon squares, gingerbread and something else that I was going to try but can't even remember what it is now....oh well. It's written down here somewhere....

It's all good and it's all fun. The most important thing is that we can be together. I enjoy having this place filled with noise and merriment. I like the fact that we are crowded in together and that people can't get up off my man eating couch very well. I like that the girls don't have to move from one house to the next...they just stay in one spot with all of their toys and all of their family. I like that we can put whatever it is aside and just enjoy our connectedness.

And it's midnight!!!! I have GOT to get some sleep because I do not want to be a complete grizzly bear tomorrow in all those stores!!!!!

Cheers sweetlings! I'll check in again when I can (which will probably be tomorrow, but anyhow...)! ~MacKenzie

I love them, really I do but sometimes, I absolutely hate parenthood!!!! ARRGGGHHHH. What the heck have I done to myself?

I'm not exactly sure what is going through their little brains, but the past few days especially, the twinadoes are really living up to their name. Especially Monkey. Oh my goodness. Everything lately must be immediate with her. She must have total control of every situation and every toy and every detail. Even a simple please go put on your coat leads to a battle.

I was in the bathroom this morning helping Pumpkin getting ready to take her shower when Monkey came in and demanded cereal. Not a may I have cereal please or, I'm hungry can I have cereal. But the ME WANT CEREAL! Okay, little monkey...as soon as I help Pumpkin with her hair, then I'll get you some cereal. The cries of outrage echoed off the small bathroom walls for the rest of the time. Ignoring the behavior did no good. Telling her that if she was going to cry, she could cry in her room did no good and with my hands full of soap and water, perhaps I should have nudged her along to her room, but for whatever reason I didn't.

Even attempting to cook dinner last night was quite the chore. She was constantly underfoot. Asking her to play in the living room or her room rather than by the stove caused another emotional breakdown. Trying to reason with her that it's dangerous is impossible because it's as if she completely shuts down when you try and explain something to her.

Honey has a sinus infection and was in bed, leaving me to run the household by myself last night. Even had he been there, the situation would have arose. She was rather stubborn. Even a how about you help set the table as a means of distraction did no good. He's been having a tough time as well with this little stage in their life. When he asks them to do something and they down and out right say no, he gets so frustrated. (me too!) Usually, he can work through it, even if it means giving warnings before enforcing them to sit in the hallway for three minutes.

Sometimes he seems to have a bit of an alpha male complex, the I talk, you listen, you follow through. Over the years between us if he talks, then I listen and if its sound, I follow though. No biggie. If it seems way off base, I give him the courtesy of saying so and then do my own thing. With the girls, when he's not feeling well, such as it has been the past few days, he gets frustrated much more easily (completely understandable) and has gotten perhaps a little more snappy with them than usual. Time outs in the hallway have been much more frequent these days. I fear Monkey is becoming immune to them. The if you do this then this will happen, doesn't seem to bother her a bit. She does what she wants and could care less about the consequence, even when it's not pleasant.

This morning it was also refusing to put on her shoes and her coat. She was insistent she was not going to put them on this morning as we had to take Pumpkin to school. I swear, her screams of no echoed through the neighborhood. Finally, I was able to get her coat on her, but for the shoes....I gave up. "Fine," I said. There's no snow on the ground anymore, it's cold but not too cold. "Let's go."

Well, we got to the top step and she demanded to be carried. OH no....no, no no, little one. So as she began screaming again, I tried to explain the whole when mommie asks you to do something....to a three year old. I know....I must be insane but really....at that point. I was beyond frustrated. And I was sure in hell not going to carry her. I just wanted to leave her there screaming on the doorstep.

Eventually we got her in the van. Then, all the way to school she kept informing me that we were going the wrong way. By the end I just said, "Thanks for telling me...." and left it at that. Oh my how aggravating!

I feel bad because poor Parrot has gotten so little attention these past few days. Now she is crying at everything. Everything. Monkey can look at her wrong and she will begin crying and running dramatically to the chair and throw herself onto it with the most pitiful cry/whine combo you've ever heard. If I try and spend some time with Parrot, Monkey catches on and either demands to be read to or have milk or what not. If she does not get it, she screams and carries on so that I cannot even hear Parrot and being distracted, Parrot realizes I do not have her full attention and starts crying.

OH, I can not WAIT for this little stage of life to be over with! Monkey is so bull headed and Parrot so sensitive. I'm just floundering in the muck of parent hood trying desperately to get to the other side. When she's being good, I'm trying to tell her that she's been going great and how proud I am of her, but when she's bad....oh I just want to go absolutely ballistic!!!! And, what the hell is it with pooping in her underwear again. I truly thought we were over that..... oh for heaven's sake!!!!

Not even the rant did a lot of good. Rats!!!!! That's it...I must be going crazy!!!!

Do hope all of you are doing better than those in the MacKenzie household today..... Anyone want to trade places???
Cheers (I think..... )~MacKenzie