Good morning! How I wish I could have been there to see this! Can you see the angel coming out of the clouds?

I have a very busy day ahead. Pumpkin and I have decided that we are going to make all the decorations that go on our tree this year. I knew there would be a lot of prep work to do and I now I and I think that maybe I'm in over my head here, but well, I have high hopes that all will turn out well. If the end product does not turn out exactly as it is in my head, well.... such is life. The girls and I are going to have a wonderful time together making everything and in the end, that's what counts!!!!! No little hands off the tree this year....it's definitely a hands ON kind of project.

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Good morning, everyone! Today is the first day that Honey and I are going to be able to get out Christmas shopping! Not an overnighter, but, time alone at least and I'm very excited. Technically....Honey looked right at me this morning and said "NO BLOGGING today!" He doesn't want me to loose track of time and then stress out and then be grumpy today.....

He's getting ready to leave for work and I have a pretty good idea he knows what I'm doing though and is remaining quiet... (smart man, don't you think! ) No, I appreciate that he does not want to come out to find big globs of my hair floating all around the place as I try to reign in the twinadoes, and get everyone ready.

We aren't going to be gone that long. We will drop the girls off at Mom C and Papa's at 11. Then it's about an hour and a half to Bangor...so we'll get there by 12:30 or so, and then we have to be back here to pick up the girls at 8:30.

Oh dear...I got a kiss good bye and a scowl.... I guess no time for responses and visits this morning. I didn't actually have a whole lot to say, but it was one of those moments where I just wanted to get on and write. Actually, maybe it was the rebellious me with the whole no blogging thingy...

Last night a huge storm blew through the area and this morning there are patches of sun and blue. It is absolutely beautiful!!!! Thank you, Divine! Thank you!

By the way, my email is having problems. I'm not getting anything at the moment.... But this morning have no time to play with it. I was able to beg and plead with it yesterday to download (hopefully) everything. Okay!!!! No more sitting around!

Do wish you all well and I hope you have a great day! Will try to catch with you all tommorrow!

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

The weather remains the same; it's been this way for a week now--dull, grey, little to spark the imagination or spirit. Dark. Good Grief! It's only December 1. If I'm this bad off in the beginning of the winter season, what shall I be like in March/April?

Please, Dear Divine--let the weather change! Let us go to one extreme or the other, but please, no more hanging inbetween with us in the doldrums. It feels as if we have been remaining, waiting, for a long time.. Snow. Yes, I said it....I would really like to see some snow. Some large fluffy flakes that fall from the sky and stick around for awhile. Other places in Maine have now seen snow, but not us. I would like to wrap a blanket around me sit on my door step, let my soul go for a walk, sitting and listening to the snow fall.

I blame the weather. But yesterday, yesterday I lost a day. Yesterday after I kissed Honey good-bye and wished him safe travels until he returned home again, I was restless and I turned my computer on early. Usually I wait until after I drive Pumpkin to school to settle in my chair, but yesterday was different.

Yesterday I wandered, floundered around through the Stream. Read a post here, got up, helped the twinadoes, returned to the Stream. Got up, helped with whatever, returned to the Stream...and so on and so on. It was strange. Somehow, for some reason, I felt the need to be here. Drawn to the magic? The Spirit? So many blogs, so many people, so many lives and stories. I couldn't seem to tear myself away.

Today I know I should have left comments: truly, it was probably rather rude of me not to. But for what ever reason, I just wanted to observe and take it all in. Sort of like a special moment, a special gift that takes you by surprise and that you want to bury in your heart for awhile because it is so special you just don't want to share with others quite yet. I wanted a connection on my own terms.

I even ignored the Inner Fire, guiltily (wow...probably won't get any Scrabble points for that one...) I might add. Like a child mesmerized, compelled and obsessed by a flame, I get close enough to get seared and then run away in fear and pain only to have the need to return again.

I fear that's how I live life. Wanting, needing a connection, observing the world revolving around me, reaching out, but afraid of the burn. Afraid of what's been built up inside, fear of rejection. Being hurt, not being good enough, afraid that what I see as a connection, something to deepen and become meaningful is only a stray ripple to someone else. It happens a lot in my life. Afraid to be too emotional or not enough. Afraid these words aren't quirky enough or that I respond too slow, that they are not interesting enough or that I'm too depressing, and REALLY, who wants to go from their happy go lucky life to ...this? Unfortunately, I've felt the flame many times and have had to lick my wounds many times in retreat, but is that not part of life? Life can be like a game of risk, only it's not a game. And the possibilities keep me moving inch by inch to the warmth once again.

Dear God! I must be PMSing again! It's the reason why I can cry and laugh all at the same time. Damn these hormones! Yuup, if (and its a rather nasty if) if the schedule stays true to form, the 10th or so is right around the corner. OH! The tribulations a woman must endure to continue the human race! Males --I do hope you appreciate the effort and endurance we must face for without us, you'd be nothing--literally... (Okay how's THAT for PMS, and I don't even think I'm going to erase that last comment.. )

Unfortunately, that little realization threw me completely off kilter. That's just as well, I suppose because I do prefer to leave the Inner Fire upbeat. To those of you who, even though I am who I am, return and continue to pull on the threads of connection, my heart strings, who look past my fears and inadequacies and naivete on how this is all supposed to work, I can't describe my feelings because a thank you doesn't seem enough, it's not deep enough, but it's all I can find right now. Thank you

Sincerely ~MacKenzie

PEACE – Sara Teasdale
Peace flows into me
As the tide to the pool by the shore;
It is mine forevermore,
It ebbs not back like the sea.

I am the pool of blue
That worships the vivid sky;
My hopes were heaven-high,
They are all fulfilled in you.

I am the pool of gold
When sunset burns and dies—
You are my deepening skies,
Give me your stars to hold.

NOCTURNE –Kathleen Raine
Night comes, an angel stands
Measuring out the time of stars,
Still are the winds, and still the hours.
It would be peace to lie
Still in the still hours at the angel's feet,
Upon a star hung in a starry sky,
But hearts another measure beat.
Each body, wingless as it lies,
Sends out its butterfly of night
With delicate wings, and jewelled eyes.
And some upon day's shores are cast,
And some in darkness lost
In waves beyond the world, where float
Somewhere the islands of the blest.

THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS –Wendell Berry
When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

CALL OF LOVE- C. Austin Miles
For above earth's tumult
The call of love we hear
Shall its gentle pleading
Fall on a heedless ear?

O hear the call of love,
O hear the call of love.
The call of love is to mercy
And pardon, and peace,
The call of love is to service
That never shall cease,
Till we shall enter
That land of promise
Where true joys abound,
Then onward press, my comrads
We are gaining
We are gaining ground.

Not from far off country
Or land across the sea,
Comes with earnest pleading
The call of love to me.

He who is my neighbor,
And needs a cheering word,
In his faintest whisper
That call of love is heard.

Good morning! Yup....the holidays are here. Suddenly I find myself with even less time than before. I fear it will continue through the new year, as usual.

After our Thanksgiving meal, several of us were sitting around letting our food digest, talking of this that and the other and a really interesting conversation emerged. On one side there was the die hard, "I celebrate Christmas no matter what" people. On the other side was the... "Christmas is basically a humbug" people. What an awesome conversation to observe! Because, me in my must hear both sides and weigh them heavily before I respond, basically had to really think about it. And of course, by the time I had come to any conclusion, it was already three days a little later..a bit late to add to the conversation. That's my usual thought process. It takes me awhile to figure out just where I'm going and by the time I'm ready to say anything, the moment has passed. But, well, that's how I work....

The Hum-bug people came mainly from the stand point that the holiday was steeped in too much commercialism to be of any value any more. It was a give to me give me holiday. Plus, they felt it was a little hypocritical to be spouting off peace and love just for the season and then be bitching and Scrooge like the rest of the year. It was the fairly typical "I dislike Christmas because arguement". I think most of us have heard such fragments along the way. The fact was, they did it very well.

The I believe in Christmas people focused mainly on the feelings Christmas evokes. Christmas was a time of giving to others, a time of peace, a time for fresh beginings. Christmas needed to be celebrated in a world such as this, especially in times like this. It included family and traditions and most importantly love. Their presentation was impressive as well.


What WOULD it be like without Christmas? What if we went along with the suggestion that we should just forget Christmas all together? What if we decided that it was all a hum-bug? What would the world be like without the yearly reminder of peace and hope and love? Yes, sad that it Does indeed need a reminder, but what if it was not there....

From what I can tell, humankind for a LONG time has had some sort of winter festival whether it be the Winter Solstice, Zagmuk, Sacaea or Saturnalia. During this time there is merry making, a sense of community, a great feast, debts would be cancelled, arguments put aside, singing, the giving of gifts, bringing evergreens inside, keeping a light alive..... I don't know about you, but why deny what has basically been fixed firmly into my being? Why deny something that with the right attitude, and it is basically our attitudes that effects the outcome of Christmas, can become something amazing.

True, not everyone believes the Spirit of Christmas, the feeling that if you let it, surrounds you with all the Season can offer. And for some, they may only feel it once a year. But, at least it's something! At least, for that moment they forgot all about their hardened hearts, themselves and for a moment saw what many others who celebrate the Season see now and throughout the year. ....

As for me? I think right now I'm going to go find my Christmas mugs...

Cheers! ~MacKenzie