I just want to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. May you be surrounded by peace and loving thoughts.

When I was reviewing my blog the other day, I found a week where I was counting my blessings. I was grateful for my family's health, my marriage, sunny weather, freedom, quiet moments, motherhood and for the many growing connections and relationships I am forming here on the Stream.

I have these blessings and so much more. Unfortunately, on cloudy, rainy days, I sometimes forget, but I'm working on it. Someday, I'll look beyond the grey no matter what.


Love, Light and many Blessings to you!!! Cheers! ~
Sincerely, MacKenzie

Memories- by Stella V. Carvell
When I see the ocean
  Breaking on the shore,
I think what I never remember
  Excepting I'm on its shore.

The thoughts that fill my mind
  I never may repeat,
And that is why I love to roam
 Where the foamy billows beat.

The Pilgrim Fathers landed
 On this lone and rocky shore;
Perhaps a bit of their spirit Has stayed,
 since days of yore.

To haunt the ones who stay
  To list to its pleading tone;
To haunt the ones who stray there
  By the ocean's shore alone.

If I try now to recall
  The thoughts that come to me,
All I can hear is the restless roar
 Of the endlessly surging sea.

Some day the spell will break
 And I may then impart,
Instead of these ocean's murmurs,
 These things which stir my heart;

A bit of rugged stamina
 And the calm triumphant faith
Of those who have walked before me, --
  A bit of their quiet grace.

 

Values- by Carolyn E. Wheeler
To win, to lose, to just get by--
Rationalize, laugh, just sit and cry--
What has meaning anyway?
Social status? Money? Nay!
'Tis truth and faith that one must weigh.
Beware the man who's made of clay.
Tolerance, friendship LOVE, I say
Keep us sane from day to day.

And yet again, I sit back and shake my head at myself asking, "Why?" Why do I insist in being an idiot with my life? I'm having one of those moments where I ponder through the wanderings of my soul, if the feelings, the energy I release is what I really want to reflect out to the universe.



Yesterday we had our Thanksgiving meal with my Mom and Nana. Honey was a sweetie to get up at 5 and stick the turkey in the oven for me. Usually it's me who cooks the turkey and while the stuffing was extremely sticky and he forgot to put water in the bottom of the pan until I reminded him after I got up, it was still wonderful. The sense of family was wonderful, too.

I did dawn on me that so many changes had taken place over the years. As I looked around the table, I realized again, really felt the impact that Honey was the only individual there sporting the Y chromosome. (That's right isn't it? XX is women; XY men?) Wow. So many gone and only a few to remember them.

After the meal was over I remembered again holidays gone past where after the meal, the men and children would retire into the living room leaving the women to their "work" of cleaning up. I took the mantle of official dish washer (What? a dish washer in Mom and Nana's house, most certainly not! everything is washed by hand because who wants those new fangled things anyway :0....)and happily set out for the task of the GOOD silverware, the for only holiday dishes, the serving bowls, pots and pans, etc. I remember as I child old enough to want to help, but young enough that really, I would only get in the way. I recall the impatience and sometimes even hurt of being shooed off into the other room, only to observe all the goings on from the door way. I couldn't wait until it was my turn.....

Yesterday was my turn. Now, I've helped out before with the clean up, but yesterday was when it really hit home while listening quietly to Mom and Nana try and figure out what went where, if we should take most of the stuffing home or whether Nana wanted more than Mom had saved out. Where WAS the cover to the missing pickles? Was Nana really planning to throw away that yeast roll? Most certainly not according to Mom, the crows would like a thanksgiving feast as well....

And there was another change as well. Monkey and Parrot and Pumpkin happily raced through the kitchen, got underfoot, in the way even. Not even once was there a go play in the other room uttered. Not once was there a look of disbelief as an adult practically ushered a "young'un" out to the other room. The kid in me protests a with a NO FAIR, but the adult in me says that this time around, this is the way it should be.

Secretly? it's kind of silly, but... Well, I harbor the dream that someday me and my extended family and my grown up daughters with their husbands or significant others will be home for the holidays and after a meal will be shooing out my grandchildren to entertain their grandfather, uncles, each other, so we ladies can talk and share and gossip and just enjoy each other's company. It's a tradition, a rite of passage that I would like to keep alive....

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Last night after the girls had gone to bed, I was sitting with Honey and he was telling me about his day when suddenly out of the blue, this wave of emotion swept over me. He went back after a bit to reading his computer magazine. I sat here at the computer and although I was looking for ideas for the girls for Christmas (Mom C and Papa are demanding lists early this year...I need ideas....), my mind was wandering. Suddenly, I turned towards Honey and said that I really missed him. He stopped, looked up in confusion, and I could tell the wheels were turning at such a statement. I continued to say that I just missed not being able to spend any time alone with him lately. He's been working Monday through Saturday, which leaves the only day for me to do my cleaning job on Sunday. I just wished that we could run off together for awhile. Over night? he asked. OMGoodness, that would be too much of a dream to hope for....I was thinking simply of dinner and a movie even.

I know, I know. Every couple goes through this every now and then. But, when YOU'RE the one going through it, it just sucks! I want, well actully need a connection to his soul every once in awhile. I need to know that we are just as strong now as we were 13 years ago on our wedding day. I need to know that I mean something to him, that all "this" isn't just fluff and nonsense to him. I want to be able to relax and enjoy the experience of having him all to myself emotionally, soulfully as well as physically. I'm tired of quickies. I'm tired of pushing myself to quick orgasm because the girls could interrupt us at any minute or because he's plain tired from the demands work puts on him. I want to enjoy his kiss, enjoy the feeling that stirs in my insides when he pulls me to him, his arms around me, the promise in his whispers. I want to savor the feeling of the pulse at his neck under my lips. I want to take my time and revel at the taste of him, the way he feels when I move my hands over him, that certain groan he makes just before....

Why is it that you want the most when you can't have it? Mom C just underwent a minor surgery. She can't watch the girls for at least the next three weeks. My Mom isn't up to it mentally any more (she has too much stress in her life and feels she isn't up to handling the demands of grandmotherhood right now). God-daughter is close....so close! Honey says perhaps next year he won't mind her baby-sitting while we go out. (doesn't quite work right at the current moment though). And we don't feel comfortable leaving the girls with anyone other than family. So, here we sit.

One part of me understands completely. It's just a phase, a stage, something we just have to go through. A responsibility that we took on when we decided to become parents. I have to admit though that I'm so tired right now of mommie, do this, help me with this, I want this, get me this, etc. etc, etc. When do I selfishly get what I want....which basically is Honey all to myself for as long as I want...and no, don't reply when their 18...me in my frustration at the moment perhaps would have to reach through the cyber lines and hit you (sorry). I know I kind of...umm..focused more on our physical relationship, but even going for a walk on the beach, hand in hand, able to just talk about anything besides, "Girls, Be Careful! Don't Fight, Why are you crying? What did you say? Oh why did you throw you crayons all over your room?" and to be alone right now would be such a blessing.

Honey's response? He said that he's already arranged to have Mom C and Papa watch the girls twice in December so we can go to Bangor and do some Christmas shopping. We'll at least have some time alone then. Christmas shopping. Dealing with the crowds and stress of having to go Christmas shopping is not exactly what I had in mind. We just have to hang in there a little longer, he says. Everything will be fine, he says.

An hour or so later after putting Monkey to bed, again (she's going through a falling out of bed phase...), his soft snores from the chair make me want to slap him. I woke him up to send him to bed, but he was so groggy, (he's an individual who requires a lot of sleep and would think nothing of sleeping 14 hours straight...I know...I've seen him do it and currently during the week he's getting less than 8) there was little sense to talk about the discussion or more.

I know they say not to rush your children growing up. Enjoy your time with them while they are young. And all that stuff. But right now, just for the moment I really wish they were 10 and were having a slumber party over at their friends house.....

Cheers ~MacKenzie

Good morning! Let’s see…I started off the morning by going out, yet again and playing with the darling phone box to get it working once again. I think it’s starting to like the attention. It only took me three tries this am to find the dial tone, and then another to get a clear line. Yesterday, because it called for rain, I put a big old trash bag over the box to try and keep the water out. Wow…. It really did a lot for the ambiance of the whole trailer look……

Yes, yesterday a day of waiting wasted as the phone repair person was a no show once again. (SIGH!!!) They are supposed to be here today before noon. See how I’m holding my breath…not… Right now as I write yet another down pour of rain is splashing the ground. I think this is part of what New York was getting yesterday, but I’m not positive. I do know the weather for the past week has been grey and depressing. Not exactly the best for keeping your spirits up, but…we’re doing our best.

This Sunday we are having a Thanksgiving meal with my Mom and Nana over at their house. We’re responsible for the turkey and half the veggies and they, the other half and an apple pie. Mmmm… my Mom makes a really good apple pie…. And I may surprise Nana with a lemon meringue pie as it’s her favorite. She doesn’t make it any more because my Mom is allergic to eggs and she can’t eat the whole thing by herself.

Thanksgiving itself, we’re headed over to Mom C and Papa’s house. It is going to quiet this year as not all of Honey’s family can make it. :( The day after Thanksgiving is Honey’s birthday! I have heard all about Mom C insisting on eating her turkey dinner while in the beginning stages of labor before heading off to the hospital. Makes for a good story….. I may have to take the girls out for a sneak run to Bangor to find him something. He can be a really tough guy to shop for!!!! I have a few ideas, but they are so impersonal. Although Christmas is around the corner so perhaps I can make it up to him then. He’s really been wanting to get another tattoo, but I know there’s no way I can save that kind of money for his birthday (obviously as his b-day is next week) . Hmmmm….we’ll see what can be done.

Wow…this is all I can assemble for a post today? Yikes….I have just got to find more of a life if this is the only thing I think of....
Have a great weekend!

Cheers! ~MacKenzie