So, I'm coming back over the Canadian border on Monday when I reach out to grab my license and I look at it for a moment. Hummmm.... something's not quite right... Oh good grief!!! My license expired nearly a year ago!!!! So today, we're off to get it renewed. Of course, is there a place you can have it done in town??? Nope. The closest town that has the ability to get your new license isn't too far away...but you can only get your license renewed every first Tuesday of the month. Well, I missed that one. Next closest town is every first Monday of the month. Humm....I see a pattern here. So I have to lug the girls up to Ellsworth, about a 45 minute trip, to a place up there where I should be able to get it renewed. Watch...they are closed every Friday!! Now THAT would be my luck.... but we'll get some shopping and lunch out of the deal. The problem is, I really don't feel comfortable taking all three girls alone especially when I have to fill out paperwork and such because I can't keep an eye on them and concentrate, too. So, Honey's best friend's wife, who is sometimes referred to as Brat (not in a bad way, though) is going with me. Brat is really sweet. I like her quite a bit, although we do have our miscommunications. I just wish I could have a greater connection with her. We are so different! Sometimes I fear that if it wasn't for our husband's connection, we might not be friends. Then other times I am completely surprised by now nicely we compliment each other. Sometimes I feel as if I am taking advantage of her because I feel as if I "fake" being this at ease happy go lucky person with her; I feel as if I am not always my true self with her. Sometimes I don't understand her and her views AT ALL!!!! I don't want either of us to get hurt in the end, if there's an end, which I don't see coming....but does one really see such things??? The bridge we are building from her island to mine will hopefully continute to grow and expand and turn from wood to stone over time. Okay...starting to ramble which means it time to go and take a shower. Hey....I don't want the bride of Frankenstein staring back at me on my license for the next 10 years now do I...
Cheers everyone!!! ~MacKenzie

Oh my heavens!!!!! Enough!!! I am tired of running around like a crazy person! We left for the cottage on Friday, came back on Monday. We took Pumpkin to the Dr's on Tuesday because she was having cold like symptoms for awhile and Tuesday morning she woke up with her cheeks and jaw all swollen. She has an upper respiratory infection. So, it was off to get medication yesterday....in the horrible humidity and heat....and of course it was this weekend that the air conditioner decided to die in our van . I really feel for those who have not had a break from this horrid weather. I like the sun, but the humidity gives me headaches.

Going to the island was...interesting...to say the least. Mainly, I did it to prove something to myself. Sometimes Honey goes off for the weekend down to his friend's home in Boston. Sometimes he takes off overnight with friends. Now, I'm not complaining....if I were, you definitely would have heard it by now!!!! Well, this weekend I had to prove something to myself. I had to make sure that I was still maintaining my own independence. I had to make sure that I could go off on my own as well as do okay on my own (well, not exactly on my own because I had the girls...but anyway). Although there were moments my mother in law and I clashed, this time I didn't exactly back down...or rather...I chose my battles rather expend my energy on some that were really quite pointless. Technically, I would have been okay on my own. In fact, I had to be responsible for others, and I did okay..... Although I have a good marriage, it's a nice reminder to know I still have the skills needed so I could do this on my own. A lot of other fun things happened too, but unfortunately my block of time has come to an end.....back to real life again as the girls go screaming through the house, Pumpkin hitting her toes...yup...gotta go!!!
Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Hey...give me a break! I was away on Friday, but I still wanna come out and play....you know...having my cake but eating it too.... Okay...never mind, I'm just really tired. Here's more of my answers from Polar B's blog....

5 food you least like to eat:

Spicy hot foods (you know, the kind that you put to your lips and then your lips burn for the next few hours...nope, that sort of food is just not for me)
Okra
Hot pickles (cold pickles are fine but pickles on say a hamburger or what not that have gotten warm...makes flip flops in my tummy)
Dulce
Squishy soggy bread

5 colors you like best:

Shades of darker blue
Green
Black
Red
Soft yellow

5 of your best qualities about yourself:

Sense of humor
Willing to follow through on tough tasks
Good listener
Desire to help others (although most of the time I have NO idea what to say or do....)
My eyes

5 pet peeves or things that drive you crazy:

"It's ONLY about me" people
Having to repeat myself over, and over, and over again
Complete and utter Jackasses (see my grumble and roar post for a greater understanding.....)
When someone promises to do something and then they don't
When the cats puke on the rug and the bare floor is only 1 1/2 inches away!!!!
(oh man, it really WOULD be easy to continue this...Huh!?)

5 Reasons you love blogstream:

Finding acceptance for who I am
Being able to learn through someone else's writing/experience
Meeting others and seeing their views that otherwise I probably would not have discovered here and little Downeast Maine
It's true...the sense of community even though we're all located elsewhere
Reading other's stories
Finding a creative outlet that I can share with others
Getting comments from others, even if it's just a hello...I really enjoy hearing from all of you!

Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Shhhhh.....everyone is still sleeping. While I sit here waiting for the coffee pot to hurry up and finish brewing, I just wanted to wish everyone a happy weekend. The girls and I are all packed and ready to travel to the cottage (well, mostly....I have to finish up last minute morning routine stuff so I can stuff all that into the travel bag). The girls were up half the night last night!!!!! It was crazy! I went to bed around 10:30, tossed and turned until close to midnight, then at 1:08, Parrot and Monkey both come waltzing into our bedroom both saying they were hungry. Honey was sound asleep. He didn't even hear them, so up I got to help them. Around 3:15 when there was still no sight of them settling down, I brought them to bed with me and one on either side of me, kissed them goodnight and told them to go to sleep. So for the next 45 minutes or so I had legs flopping over my torso, giggles, elbows in the rib cage, and me doing everything I can to remain calm because at this point, I want some damn sleep!!!!!! Yes, grumpy then, a little grumpy now. Who wouldn't be on this little sleep. And it's foggy and yucky outside so that doesn't help matters. AND I have to drive. Oh well. Tonight I'll make the excuse that the girls have to go to bed early and then I can stay up later and read a book or watch a movie (I'm taking movies and my Honey's laptop ) or maybe just write. Who knows. THAT's what I focusing on today to get me though. Quiet time tonight!!!! Hooray! Or actually, maybe I'll beat the girls to dream land tonight. Do hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!! When I'm on the top deck of the ferry (if the fog clears) watching the whales play, I'll send you all happy thoughts. Okay?
Cheers! ~MacKenzie

Many, many...many swear words are floating around in my head at the moment. Man, as if I have time for this. But I must make the time as I can't think of anything else. Mom called this morning. Not only was she upset, but she got me upset, but I can't tell mom how upset I get because it will, a) make her feel even more upset about the situation and b) will upset her that she upset me. For some reason suddenly I have had to become the cool calm and collected one of the family. SOOOOO.... who would like to go pummel...pommel.... beat the absolute heck out of my ex brother in law????? I have known the story for over a year, but I haven't said anything because, really, it's not my story to tell and I'm sure knowing my sister, I don't know all the details. But when it comes to my sweet nieces and adorable nephews.... I suppose I should give a few details from the beginning. My family wasn't really happy with the choice my sister made when she announced she was getting married. We'd met him once before and well.... he left a rather bitter taste in many of our mouths, but...it wasn't our life to lead. We could only ask if she was really sure this was what she wanted because we did not know him well enough to say..HEY do you REALLY want to live with this the rest of your life???? Think about it...A LOT!!! But no, this was the path she believed she was supposed to be on and they got married. "Jackass" was man practicing to become a pastor, but when the college he was attending stated they thought he didn't quite make the grade, he switched to computers. Jackass felt he needed a firm hand on his castle...oh, I mean household/family. No, I was right the first time, he set himself up as king of his castle with everyone else under him, including my sister. They only visited Maine a few times, but what we saw disturbed us. However, without Sis ever confirming, without her ever saying something was not quite right, when ever we asked she always replied that she was indeed happy...when ever we, I admit, never came right out and said it but tip toed around the question we all wanted to ask.... she always put us off saying everything was fine. Poor Mom....she did not even want to go to help out with the birth of my last niece because by that time she hated the way Jackass treated Sis and her grandchildren. However, Mom hates confrontation even more than I (guess where I learned it from). She did her best while visiting to keep the kids out from under foot of him and his anger. Saying one moment that something is okay to do and next exploding in anger that they were not supposed to do that thing that previously was okay to do is NOT the way to raise your children! Yelling and spanking for the tiniest thing is not okay. Emotionally beating your children into submission is not okay. Apparently only he knew what was right. Apparently God had told him he needed to take a firmer hand than usual to keep his family in line. And then, he decided that they should move towards the West coast (both us and his family are here on the East)... for better job opportunities. That, in the end failed when no one wanted to work with him, everyone found his...sense of humor... lacking. No one wanted to work with his uncontrollable temper, either. So, he was fired. He was out of work for quite awhile and finally Sis said their finances could not handle it any more and if he didn't go out to find a job, she would. And, she did. She worked as a waitress at a truck stop. He didn't like it. It was even worse for the kids because now "Mom" wasn't there to difuse the situation. Although Sis states that she tried to talk with him about the condition of their marriage, he didn't change. He did what he wanted when he wanted and how he wanted. Eventually he trained and got a job as a truck driver, this from a man who has a sleep disorder and driving makes him sleepy.... To make a long story shorter, while on the road he began to believe that my sister was fooling around. (and any one who knows Sis would absolutely laugh their ass off) Because she still had to continue to work, HIS best friend who is retired from the military offered to watch the kids, to which they BOTH agreed. Sometimes when Jackass would call, his best friend would answer. Jackass would always then call the restaurant to make sure that Sis was not with his best friend. Apparently not just the best friend was enough for her because he imagined that she was with others as well. So when he was home, Sis said that a terrible black cloud hovered in the air. She began to see how drastically the kids changed when he was around, she began to open her eyes. She began to realize that their marriage was not...normal. His demands on her grew and grew, too. She would get home from a 10 hour shift at the restaurant and would like to rest and eat a light supper, but he wanted her in bed now...for his own pleasure. They argued more. He demanded more that things be done his way. He lost his temper with her (that's all she will say...so whether physically or just emotionally....I can't say for certain). He lost his temper with the kids which means hitting them with a belt, stick, bare hand, what ever was closest. The last time they were home, he tried that at Mom and Nana's house (strangely enough not with Honey or I around...). Nana got on his case, bless her. But I fear it only made him more determined to mentally and emotionally abuse the kids. And he especially took it out on my nephews (maybe my nieces weren't old enough....or, well, they are only puny girls anyway). Christmas 2004 when I spoke with Sis, you could just feel the tension over the phone. Honey and I talked about it. I thought possibly to going out there to insure things were okay but Honey didn't want me walking into a hornet's nest by myself and, well, he didn't feel comfortable trying to take care of 2 infants all by himself. Maybe he should go? No, he was needed to work. Damn. Okay....January 2005 it's been a month since we talked to Sis. It's my sister's birthday and Mom had tried to call her for 3 days with no reply. The forth day Jackass calls my mom demanding to know where his wife and children are. What the heck? A WEEK goes by with no contact!!!! We were getting frantic when low and behold, I receive an email from Sis. Thank the Divine!!! At least we knew she and the kids were safe. Apparently he was a few hours from home and he called Sis and appeared to have completely lost it...calling her names, demanding she take time off work (which she had asked for the time off, but couldn't get it), he didn't care what her employer said, and then ordered her to OBEY him or else! It was enough and she got off the phone, told the kids to grab a few sets of clothes, their jacket and caught a taxi to a motel where she spent the night before calling a crisis center. While at the crisis center, she learned a lot what was going on with the kids when she was gone. Most of his aggression was indeed taken out on the boys. The slightest mess would produce not only spanking, but a few times with my younger nephew (who is more defiant than his brother), would force him on his hands and knees to not only clean the mess (say him spilling peas on the floor), but the entire floor itself. My nephew told his councelor that sometimes his father would come up behind him and with his foot kick him in the behind so hard he'd fall onto his stomach. Eventually it worked out that the divorce was finalized, but unfortunately, joint custody was granted. He gets the kids every other weekend and three full weeks out of the year. Sis has to live within 100 miles of him. So, she's stuck out there. He tells the kids, who goes back and tells her that Sis is living in Sin. In the eyes of God, they are still married and no document can say they are not. He and his mother (oh, I forgot that his mother who has serious medical and mental problems herself moved in with them bringing her very wealthy bank account with her) bought a house not even two blocks away...for convenience of the kids. (he would never SPY on her or anything...) Now, it's been a year. At first he bought the kids brand new bikes, video games, let them stay up all hours while at his house, and let them get away with quite abit. Sis discovered that the kids would go an entire weekend without brushing their teeth. More than once they ended up in the ER for injuring themselves (which has not happened on Sis's watch). He complains about Sis to the kids, yet he prays for her evil soul....in front of the kids.... Apparently Jackass is tired of being "nice." Sis has got my younger nephew back in counceling because of certain behaviors that have come up. She is getting my older nephew into counceling too. The other night Sis asked the kids to help her clean up. She asked my older nephew to please put away the ketchup. So he opens the door, bottle in hand and asks where should he put it. Anywhere is fine. NO, she needs to tell him where to put it. Sis says again that he can leave it anywhere. He begins to cry because he does not have a definite answer. Sis talks with him. He is scared of putting it in the wrong place. He doesn't want to make her mad. OH MY Goodness!!!!! I just want to cry. Then last weekend, she found out that he got upset with my oldest niece and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and shook her. He "spanked" my younger nephew so hard it hurt him to sit and threatened him not to tell my Sis or he'd find out and the punishment would be even worse. My nephew did anyway. (man, do I love that kid...) I can't begin to tell you how much I want to drop everything and go out and well, kidnap my nieces and nephews and bring them back here where they can see what a normal family can be like. I'm scared for them. I love my sis, but the thought has crossed my mind...why the HELL did she not fight further to have full custody. If it was me, I would not have dropped it. But it isn't me and there may be circumstances that I don't know about, things she's not willing to share yet. Her thought now, is to record everything that they tell her. Eventually with that and hopefully what the councelor can record, she may be able to get enough evidence to call him an unfit father and receive full custody. My oldest nephew is 12, my younger nephew 11, my oldest niece is 10 and youngest niece is 8. As if those ages aren't confusing enough. I just hope the damage to their beautiful spirits isn't so great they can't over come. Piecing things together, learning about the process, Jackass himself shows signs of abuse. I know I should feel for him, too. But at this point I just can't. My focus is on sis and my nieces and nephews. Hearing that it's starting/continuing/getting worse just makes me feel helpless. I am here and they are way out there....I can continue to call, continue to write, but what I really want to do is give them big hugs and kisses and see for myself how they really are. Oh, I forgot to mention the gun story. ah well....I'll save that wonderful one for another time....
(sigh) ~MacKenzie