Last night I was sitting on the couch with Honey and I looked over at him. "Do you remember what we were doing at this time 8 years ago????" How do some memories have the ability imprint themselves so hard on your soul?

We were spending the night in a motel room because the following morning (Jan 28) I was scheduled to go into the hospital early in the morning. As it was winter, family members were nervous that a storm might suddenly come up to prevent us from traveling the hour we needed to get to the hospital in the morning. Both of us were terrified. With other memories of loosing our son just moments after the craziest labor and delivery process, I remember sitting on the motel bed, gently caressing my then 9 month pregnant belly, feeling almost numb with fear, excitement and a zillion other emotions coursing through me.

January 28, 2000, Honey and I found ourselves checking into the hospital, sweaty palms and hammering hearts, fluttering tummies and all. Technically, "THE" due date was the 30th, but this time around, this delivery was going to be different. I had read a lot about having an induced labor but as my days of pregnancy wound down to it's conclusion, I yearned to hold my child in my arms, to hear baby cries and see her eyes, and well.. everything! Did I really dare to hope so much???

Morning passed well enough. By early afternoon the family began to arrive. I was hooked up to monitors and during every contraction, the monitor would flutter and one family member without fail asked if I was having a contraction. It was weird because sometimes I felt it, sometimes not.

My doctor also practiced with a midwife and late afternoon I saw her for the first time. Apparently my doctor had been away for a few days and would be in later. The family left and she told me she felt it was time to step it up a little bit and break my water. Okay.... I hadn't a clue. OH MY Goodness! The first contraction I had after that.... I swore at her, I cursed, I told her to GET OUT! Why the hell would she do that to me??? My pain meter shot nearly to the top with the nice cushion of water gone and baby's head pressing down hard upon me. The family was barred from my room after that.

Three more hours of fairly intense labor occurred and then finally the doctor decided to show. He announced that probably by 10 that night, the baby would arrive. Another three hours of this? I truly wasn't sure I was going to survive.. How the hell did women over generations and generations do this? How did my ancestor of 200 years ago go through this? Why?? Why is the pain so very intense? Honey saw my eyes water, pretty much looked in on what was going on in my head and asked about pain meds. Sure, no problem! I really didn't want it, but I was feeling so tired by that time. I was sweaty and yucky and I had another contraction... I swear, I saw stars and felt the fuzziness just before you pass out (so glad that I didn't, but it was close!).... Three more hours??? It shouldn't be that bad, that long...... BUT, it really, really hurts and now with no hope in sight for another three hours? So, the doc advices me if I wanted it, now would be the best time so I would get a little rest and save a little energy for the final process. Well, that made sense so.... I agreed. Honey went down to tell the family that they had to wait just a few more hours.

Pain meds was the biggest mistake during the whole labor process. Suddenly my head felt fuzzy, dizzy. During the contraction, I could barely concentrate on breathing in to the peak of the pain and then slowly letting it out in slow steps as the contraction decreased. I felt sick to my stomach and after the 4th contraction like that, I really just wanted to vomit.

The very next contraction, though... something weird happened. After it passed, I opened my eyes and looked at the nurse. I told her that in someways, towards the end of the contraction, it was really hard not to push. "You wanted to push?" she asked. Yes, I really had to fight not to. "Well, if you have to push, go ahead, however, I REALLY think we need the doctor back in here." My family tells me that their hearts nearly sank in worry as they heard the call over the intercom for the doc to get to our room immediately! They had to call him twice....

Basically, the doctor had just enough time to walk into the room, throw on a coat and gloves before he held his hands out and caught Pumpkin. I wish I could explain to you the feeling of a)immediately relief of pain and b)how I felt as I heard her first cry. I got goosebumps. I was completely overwhelmed. This was it!!!! I have a picture of me holding her within 5 minutes of her birth. She wasn't even really cleaned up yet, she was just wrapped in a blanket and placed in my arms. That, out of all of her pictures, THAT is THE one....

Thus started my journey of motherhood with our daughters.



For Pumpkin:

Your Birthdate: January 28

You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame. You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems. Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego. You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance. Your strength: Your bold approach to life Your weakness: You don't accept help Your power color: Bronze Your power symbol: Pyramid Your power month: October

Pumpkin is truly an amazing kid. This quarter she brought home a straight A report card. True, I don't think that she is getting the challenge that she needs at school, but even though she's bored, she continues to do what is asked of her. Recently, she began her first after school activity called Destination Imagination. It's all about problem solving and team work. She is a natrual leader who is always trying to take charge and she's enjoying this new challenge. This year, I've really seen her testing her strength and spirit. It seems so early but I can tell that she's really wanting to tackle some of the jumps of life on her own.